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標題: 兩性失衡惡化女向男求婚 [打印本頁]

作者: lo_pak 時間: 2011-7-28 15:22 標題: 兩性失衡惡化女向男求婚

【經濟日報專訊】本港男女失衡惡化，5個適齡結婚女就有1人仍小姑獨處，加上不少港男出現「小飛俠候群症」（Peter Pan Syndrome），逃避承擔成家立室的重擔，促使女性更主動出擊。

有女專業人員向男友提出結婚，更自掏腰包付酒席訂金；亦有女友圖策劃一場驚喜求婚記，「逆求婚」這個在日本及西方已出現的現象，開始在港浮現。

女提親自掏腰包搞婚宴

「我們結婚囉！」30歲出頭的女專業人士，去年向同屬專業人士的男友提親，就此開始籌備婚事；物色婚宴場地期間，女方更急不及待自掏腰包落訂。

男家親友因此在背後竊竊私語，認為女方有事業，收入和家境不俗，急要提親可能因過了30歲的「重要關頭」，而且眼見男方家境富裕，故不介意採取主動。

統計處昨公布最新《香港女性及男性主要統計數字（2011年版）》，去年每千名女士，就只有949名男士，重災區更在30至49歲的年齡組別。以30至34歲為例，每千名女士，只有843名男士。若按全港有近25萬30至49歲女性從未結婚計算，即每5人就有一人是「小姑獨處」。

「女求婚被拒分手收場」

經營求婚統籌服務的方慧欣說，早前有一名20多歲女子，與男友拍拖一段時間已計劃結婚，但男友一直沒求婚，女方遂想搞一場驚喜求婚，但最終鼓不起勇氣，「男仔求婚被拒，還可以因為女方嫌他不夠誠意，下次再來過；女方求婚被拒，便是分手收場。」

方去年至今幫過近40對情侶搞求婚，為確保成功率，事前都會訪問男方求婚把握，不少都表示信心十足，因為女友已多次催婚。

男士被催婚的情況愈見普及，心理學家提出「小飛俠症候群」的理論，泛指年輕人不想長大的心態，逃避承擔家庭責任（見另文——「小飛俠—拒長大不負責」）。

方認同現實社會中，30歲前的男士們有「小飛俠症候群」的特質，尢其是現時樓價貴，一般人萬多元收入，多不想背負家庭責任。她說一般要30至35歲才開始拼搏工作和有承擔；但女士們30歲前已考慮結婚問題，「28歲求得婚來，搞一、兩年，結婚都已30歲。」她說正因為這差異，女急男不急，女方明示或暗示催婚的情況愈趨普遍。

熟悉婚姻輔導的臨床心理學家梁若芊則認為，愈來愈多年輕人把求婚和結婚視為一場show，故男方沒求婚，女方要催婚，甚至自己求婚。她認為，兩人相處一般都有共識，明示或暗示有結婚計劃，誰向誰求婚只是一種形式。

她又指，隨着年輕人多進修，推遲踏足社會工作的時間，故結婚年齡愈來愈遲，女士所謂30歲的重要關口，其實已不再重要，且男女都不想定下來。

她說，以前的人結婚都沒有自置物業，是結婚後慢慢累積，但現代人結婚好像要樣樣都有，所謂「小飛俠候群症」，有時是自尋煩惱。

作者: chesirecat 時間: 2011-7-28 16:27

sigh....bad news for us girls....but is reality....

作者: ricrick 時間: 2011-7-28 16:33

男人三十一枝花,女人三十爛茶渣

作者: ecwkwok 時間: 2011-7-28 18:07

o鞋, 點解幾十年來, 時至今日都從來無女人向我求婚...

rickrick 兄, 而家化妝品同保養科技先進, D女人三四十歲都睇唔出架, 點會係爛茶渣?

作者: chesirecat 時間: 2011-7-28 18:57

回復 4# ecwkwok

but a man can still marry no matter how old they get they can still marry a young woman....but when women get old...they cant get any young men to marry them...thats different..so guys always have the advantage no matter what age..

作者: MoiRhapsody 時間: 2011-7-28 19:48

Not really
我地都唔知要食幾多檸檬先修成正果。
妳睇我好我睇妳好啦

作者: matt72178 時間: 2011-7-28 20:23

現在求多於供, 其實各位男士係咪應該要坐地起價呢? 由其Moi 仔呢D 筍盤

作者: Lik 時間: 2011-7-28 21:53

o鞋, 點解幾十年來, 時至今日都從來無女人向我求婚...
ecwkwok 發表於 2011-7-28 18:07

x2, C Hing. How come 從來無姐姐仔向我求婚, esp the rich and pretty kind~

-Lik

作者: 老友四號 時間: 2011-7-28 22:07

嗚呼！因女性沒有我輩麻甩佬這般「襟老」，所以一定要在「人老冇人要」之前，

速速嫁人耳。各小子們千万不可輕率從事，不用急仔細考濾、觀察後，

才决定也未為遲也！切記！切記！

作者: MoiRhapsody 時間: 2011-7-28 22:13

四哥似乎以過內人身份告誡我們後輩....

作者: lo_pak 時間: 2011-7-28 22:19

回復 10# MoiRhapsody

因誤會而結合...

作者: peter236 時間: 2011-7-28 22:48

x2, C Hing. How come 從來無姐姐仔向我求婚, esp the rich and pretty kind~

-Lik
Lik 發表於 2011-7-28 21:53

You need evaluate your own character.

作者: ricrick 時間: 2011-7-28 23:42

You need evaluate your own character.
peter236 發表於 2011-7-28 22:48

peter仔原來有姐姐仔求婚

作者: Catpiano 時間: 2011-7-29 07:06

Damn .. then how come it is the other way around here .. and getting worse and worse ...

Way more men between 25-44 then women ..

作者: Nam 時間: 2011-7-29 11:41

後生個陣都一段時間好恨嫁，驚30歲嫁唔出！
但係隨住年紀越大，越覺得無咩所謂，反而想再遲多幾年，多啲錢先結婚！以前個年代成日話女人30嫁唔出係爛茶楂，但係以前嘅女人都多數靠男人先生存到，依㗎保養得好，真係唔係太大問題，如果問我嫁早啲有咩好，我諗會係生細路仔後康復快啲！當然無論以前或依㗎，double income 點都好過single income！好多朋友都會問我幾時結婚，男朋友啲朋友批死我哋出年結，但係我真係覺得自己未ready，可能個重心放咗係事業上掛? 細個好想有個好靚嘅婚禮，但依㗎多少會係俾父母一個交代，唔想大搞，搞咁大個show, 不如將啲錢儲起買樓好過！

作者: lo_pak 時間: 2011-7-29 11:49

本帖最後由 lo_pak 於 2011-7-29 11:52 編輯

回復 15# Nam

Before 30, believe in marriage is romantic...
After 30, believe in marriage is idiot...

To me, marriage is a must... Men is different from ladies in most cases, future is always in the hands of yours...

作者: 老友四號 時間: 2011-7-29 11:52

四哥似乎以過內人身份告誡我們後輩....
MoiRhapsody 發表於 2011-7-28 22:13

非也！遙想當年四婆下嫁老夫之時，正是花容月貌；風華正茂。

絕非恐防[人老冇人要]而匆匆結婚。

時移勢易老夫上个POST乃指當今之世情而言耳。

作者: Lik 時間: 2011-7-29 11:53

女生有個好實際嘅問題男生係唔需要面對嘅：個問題就係生仔。

唔好淨係話後生生仔個身體會回復得快啲。更重要嘅係，女人響發育成孰之後，年紀越大，受孕方面就會慢慢變得越來越難。記得睇過報導，話女人過咗30，生BB嘅風險就會開始慢慢變得 significant，而過咗 35先至生嘅話 BB本身要面對嘅 risk factor就增加得更多。但男人就基本上無呢個問題，最多都只係性能力方面會隨住年齡慢慢減弱，但實際上，keep得好嘅話，80都仲可以有心有力。

所以都係果句：有仔要襯嫩生。

-力

作者: lo_pak 時間: 2011-7-29 11:54

回復 17# 老友四號

OIC...

Just curious, do you feel itchy after 7 years...?

作者: lo_pak 時間: 2011-7-29 11:56

回復 18# Lik

You are talking about having babies, nowadays, it can have no linkage with marriage ga...

作者: 老友四號 時間: 2011-7-29 11:57

回復老友四號

OIC...

Just curious, do you feel itchy after 7 years...?
lo_pak 發表於 2011-7-29 11:54

痕得要命；就嚟想死！

作者: lo_pak 時間: 2011-7-29 11:59

回復 21# 老友四號

You are THE MAN>.<...!!!

作者: Nam 時間: 2011-7-29 12:22

回復 18# Lik

As far as I know with today technology, the deadline 30 is no longer the deadline. It just having a baby before 30 is easier to recover based on friends' experience.

The biological clock is around 39 I think... A lot of my friends, including my sister in law had her baby at 35 and she is fine. And I'm not sure if I want a kid... I don't want to have a kid just because everybody have a kid... I'm not ready to give up my career for a child yet...so ... still deciding...

作者: lo_pak 時間: 2011-7-29 12:30

本帖最後由 lo_pak 於 2011-7-29 12:33 編輯

回復 23# Nam

Hard to believe you see it as a burden when you are living in Canada...

Tell you the truth... You are the only barrier that block you from making the decision...

In Canada, having a baby is not the main issue; rather, how to teach is a big headache... Are you prepared ?!?...

My advice is: If you are deciding to have a babe, sooner rather be later... It's not only about your health, but also communication...

作者: Lik 時間: 2011-7-29 13:01

回復 Lik

As far as I know with today technology, the deadline 30 is no longer the deadline. It ju ...
Nam 發表於 2011-7-29 12:22

The technology is there to better monitor the health and condition the baby is in. It can also help with early detection / diagnosis of any complications the baby might have so that the parent are more informed throughout the pregnancy process, and find out about those conditions earlier so that they are in a better position to decide what to do (mostly about whether they will keep or abort the fetus if an anomaly is detected). The technology is also there to offer superior support in cases of premature deliveries and other health conditions that the baby might have. Technology (hormonal supplement / treament is one) is also there to extend the menstrual cycle and keep it going until an older age, thereby extending the potential fertility period of a woman. But all the technology that exist cannot reduce or mitigate the health risks that fetus face when their mother are pregnant at an older age. When the mother's body gets old, the mother's body gets old, and the risk factors go up.

It all depends on whether you want to have a family. The problem is, your mindset may or may not be ready, but your physical body won't wait for you to make up your mind. When your body ages, your body ages. You can stretch it a bit, but you can't turn back the biological clock.

-Lik

作者: Nam 時間: 2011-7-29 13:25

Lo-Pak,

I think you misunderstood my concern. I'm lucky to have to chance to witness a mom point of view. From having a baby, to raise a baby and babysit a baby. So I know what I need to expect phyiscally and mentally to be a mom. I just don't want to be irresponsible, just have a baby, for the sake of it's about time.

I'm lucky to understand the frustration of wanting a baby because of biological clock as one of my close friend is 39 and she is willing to be a single mom, she just want a baby...doesn't matter if her bf is not mature enough to be a dad....

I'm a very traditional woman.... if I have a child, I cannot stand myself always OT, taking classes, always on the run. I cannot stand hiring a nanny to take care of my child as i see it is my responsibility....... so... I need to think it over carefully... but for sure, I know I'm not ready yet, not now.

作者: fibbi 時間: 2011-7-29 13:43

本帖最後由 fibbi 於 2011-7-29 14:06 編輯

回復 26# Nam

做人幾時都有取捨架啦。今時今刻希望事業上打拼，但係到你第日想有嘅時候又會唔會太遲呢？有時唔係想有就有加嘛。當然，而家好多人四十歲都有得生，但係點都會擔心啲囉。生係一件事，湊又係一件事，年紀大咗真係無咁有體力去照顧BB。

仲有，三十五歲後BB有先天缺陷嘅比率真係大好多。當然啦，好多人遲生都無事，但係舵BB嘅時候點都會驚啲。

作者: lo_pak 時間: 2011-7-29 13:46

本帖最後由 lo_pak 於 2011-7-29 14:03 編輯

回復 27# fibbi

I like your last word... "囉"...

"C9" feel, according to FY...

Somehow people have to distinguish between reasons and excuses...

As a mom @ 40 of having the first new born babe, it's way TOO... late... Don't tell me you have a plan, but rather, you are actually a dreamer... What time do you wake up? 35, 36, 37, 38, 39,...etc.

Technology is only used to help those who are physically incapable to do so... Don't abuse it! Normal ladies get about 500 飛 in their life time ONLY before running out of bullets... Or you can freeze up your eggs until you are 100, if you stilll believe in technology 囉...

作者: fibbi 時間: 2011-7-29 13:59

本帖最後由 fibbi 於 2011-7-29 14:01 編輯

回復 28# lo_pak

用口語寫都係想多啲親切感嗟。

我認為四十歲生無問題，如果係"李嘉欣"嘅話。有＄俾你去保身，又唔洗工作，生完有幾個工人陪月湊，生唔到就人工，真係無乜問題。

作者: lo_pak 時間: 2011-7-29 14:07

本帖最後由 lo_pak 於 2011-7-29 14:24 編輯

回復 29# fibbi

How come it is "無問題"? Haven't you count the time you are with your kid, haven't you count the time you are with your grand kid...?

I don't actually know what HK ladies are thinking about these days... In terms of only thinking about living quality, there should be something more important...

As a lady, how many men would you think they will "like" to squeeze their "cells" to your body when you are 40?? To be honest, I would say "Go F yourself" or you can ask for donation... (Sorry of being rude...)

My friends always told me that men are 專一 because
"when we are 20's, we like 20 years old chicks";
"when we are 30's, we like 20 years old chicks"; and
"when we are 40's, we like 20 years old chicks too...
To be continue...d...

作者: Catpiano 時間: 2011-7-29 14:17

Put it this way ..

When a girl is hot .. she is hot at ... 16 .. 26 .. 36 .. may be 4X ..

When a girl is ... NG DUCK ... no matter what age .. ( well, make up, surgery will help .. )

作者: pkphilip 時間: 2011-7-29 14:52

Heehee... I I think I should raise my price.

Philip

作者: Lik 時間: 2011-7-29 15:05

Heehee... I I think I should raise my price.

Philip
pkphilip 發表於 2011-7-29 14:52

Philip,

I didn't know you could be bought for a price.

-Lik

作者: Catpiano 時間: 2011-7-29 15:06

Philip,

I didn't know you could be bought for a price.

-Lik
Lik 發表於 2011-7-29 15:05

GO GO GO!!

Make him an offer!!

作者: lo_pak 時間: 2011-7-29 15:10

本帖最後由 lo_pak 於 2011-7-29 15:30 編輯

回復 34# Catpiano

He may said, " I only have 1 body, how can I serve that many ladies...

... Time is money ma...

作者: fibbi 時間: 2011-7-29 15:48

本帖最後由 fibbi 於 2011-7-29 16:07 編輯

回復 fibbi

How come it is "無問題"? Haven't you count the time you are with your kid, haven't you count the time you are with your grand kid...?
lo_pak 發表於 2011-7-29 14:07

我又點可以肯定我啲仔女一定會結婚生仔？作為父母要照顧培育下一代，仲要諗埋仔女嘅下一代？I don't think it's my concern...

就算四十歲生，個仔女大學畢業都係六十幾歲，現今醫學咁發達，六十幾歲都唔算好老。
當然，我唔係鼓勵人四十歲先生育，始終個大前提係要擺時間去湊個細路。

唔係話有＄就大哂，物質上縱容個小朋友，而係可以嘅話媽媽不用工作就有多一點時間去照顧屋企同埋小朋友，始終對個家庭都係好啲。

作者: sko 時間: 2011-7-29 15:56

我又點可以肯定我啲仔女一定會結婚生仔？作為父母要照顧培育下一代，仲要顧埋仔女嘅下一代？I don't thin ...
fibbi 發表於 2011-7-29 15:48

I think lo pak meant the potential 'quality time' one could spend with his/her kids/grandkids ba~ Like doing sports together, travelling together, even watching the same tv channels together

作者: fibbi 時間: 2011-7-29 16:00

回復 37# sko

But as I mention, I don't really care about time spending with my "grand kid"...don't even know whether will have one or not right...

Also, I don't think there is big difference whether one is 30 or 40....if we are talking about travel time, or watch TV together...

作者: sko 時間: 2011-7-29 16:09

回復 sko

But as I mention, I don't really care about time spending with my "grand kid"...don ...
fibbi 發表於 2011-7-29 16:00

Really? I loveeee little kids and little pets. I could spend time with them all day!

I don't spend a lot of time with my parents anymore since they have moved back to HK. But even when they were here.. huge generation gap la (my mom had me when she was 34, dad was 36). Would be awesome if they could go skiing with me.. go badminton with me.. go yoga with me.. or even watch hockey or f1 with me. haha~

作者: fibbi 時間: 2011-7-29 16:17

回復 39# sko

My parents also had me around that age...but I don't really "think" we have generation gap...and I never expect parents to do any sport with me (perhaps just because I don't do much sports too...I guess I'll ask friends to do sport with me than parents) But still we are close...

作者: raffaello 時間: 2011-7-29 18:30

Lo-Pak,

I think you misunderstood my concern. I'm lucky to have to chance to witness a mom point ...
Nam 發表於 2011-7-29 13:25

Ask your boyfriend whether he is willing to be a stay-at-home dad if taking care of a child is what concern you.

作者: Nam 時間: 2011-7-29 20:04

Ask your boyfriend whether he is willing to be a stay-at-home dad if taking care of a child is wha ...
raffaello 發表於 2011-7-29 18:30

My boyfriend doesn't want a kid, it's not 100% but he prefer not to has a kid. At least not now.

So once in awhile, we had this discussion because he wants to make sure I'm on the same page and if I want a kid, we have to prepare for it.

He said ever since he was 7, he is surround by kidssss and he is 36 now and still surround by kids. (He is the youngest in the family and his mom had 8 child...)

So both he and I are experienced to take care of child and know what to expect.
Whenever he asked me if I want a child, I just don't have an answer for him.  His friend said right now, I'm too focus on school and work.  Maybe few years later, I will change.

As for age of parents, my mom and dad had me when my mom was 36 and had my older brother when she was 30.  haha, other than I was weak when I was a baby girl, I don't see I have much health problem....

So assume we won't have kid in future, I work extra hard lately and save money for investment.  I asked few mom who had kids, or those who convinced me to have kid, why they think I should have one.  The answer mostly are when we get old, we have a child to take care of us and spend time with us. But look at today kids, how many of them really care of their parents. Maybe it is common in our generation... but if having a kid is a secured future retirement. I found that is very selfish.  I would want nothing from my kid if I ever have one. I just wish them have a happy, healthy life...

作者: fibbi 時間: 2011-7-29 22:00

回復 42# Nam

我從來都無期望養兒防老，仔大仔世界，佢哋自己顧掂自己就好好啦。
我靜係覺得一個家庭無兒女嘅話好似缺少啲咩咁，無咁完滿，純粹個人觀感。

作者: raffaello 時間: 2011-7-29 22:00

My boyfriend doesn't want a kid, it's not 100% but he prefer not to has a kid. At least not now.
...
Nam 發表於 2011-7-29 20:04

Yeah, I also cannot agree with people who are expecting so much from their children. Somehow, If I want to have children, it would be becaues I want to experience being a mother in my life. It is a life experience and it makes my life complete. I would like my children to be healthy and happy so they are also able to enjoy their lives.

Anyway, I hate kids so I don't expect myself having any..haha. Some people just keep telling me that I will change my mind in the future but I actually find it quite annoying when they keey saying it. They are taking things way too personal than they should be. After all, it is none of their business. Maybe I will change. Maybe I will never change. I am not stupid and I know it very well that I may not be able to get pregnant in the furture if I am really changing my mind by then (most likely won't..haha..). But I am willing to take the risk. No one can always get all they want. If I choose to enjoy freedom today, I am not going to complain about not able to have a child tomorrow. It just sounds a bit too greedy to me ;-)

作者: pkphilip 時間: 2011-7-29 22:46

Philip,

I didn't know you could be bought for a price.

-Lik
Lik 發表於 2011-7-29 15:05

It's simple la, 男家 have to pay 嫁妝, since the mom is jokingly asking for $100K (didn't say CND or HKD or YEN or RMB), in this instance here I can bargain the price down because I have more market.

I think that's 賣女, not 嫁女.

Also, I could start collecting favors and use it against the 嫁妝.. ie.. if wants me to fix the computer to watch PPTV, the bill will be deducted from the 嫁妝 amount.

Philip

作者: raffaello 時間: 2011-7-29 22:52

It's simple la, 男家 have to pay 嫁妝, since the mom is jokingly asking for $100K (didn't say CND ...
pkphilip 發表於 2011-7-29 22:46

It is called 禮金 ar, not 嫁妝...hahaha...

作者: pkphilip 時間: 2011-7-30 19:46

My English is bad.. I know.

Philip

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