slamdunk6

sorry maggie, if like u said, u really "love" this guy so much, and you have been spending your last 7 yrs for a relationship which mean so much to you, then all these "lai gum" issue that everyone talked about here is just wasting of time.  if you think this is the man u like and willing to spend the rest of life together, then just explain to your mom that u will marry this man no matter he pays lai gum or not, and let your mom know what you think and end all this trouble.  actually, u guys can go get marry in vegas and get this done once and for all.

slamdunk6

honestly, maggie, i don't know how happy is yr mom when she knows u r marrying a guy which never shows up in a chinese new year day visit for last 7 yrs, as you are talking about the happiness of your parents.  if she let u marry this guy, then she knows what a son-in-law to be expected.

but then maggie, if you really wanna help, there is something you can do and it's called "good lie"

#1, either tell your mom that since yr bf (or his family) is not from a wealthy family, and you guys need to buy your own housing after the marriage, pls let her understand the situation that yr bf will have to save those $ just for yr own future usage.

#2, you pay out the "lei gum" from your own pocket and tell your mom that they are paid by yr bf