jumptiger

Maggie,

Base on your description, I can see that there are a huge difference in value between you and your bf. I am surprised that you have even considered marrying him in the first place. Having said that, I don't think your bf should get the blame for not acting according to your/ traditional Chinese standard. Everyone is brought up differently and everyone can use the own method to educate their children. You may think that it's not right for him to yell at his parents but they may think that open communication, even if yelling is involved, is more suitable for their family. You may think that we as chinese must respect traditional chinese culture but your bf does not necessary need to think that way. The key to every relationship is communication. You two need to discuss the issue together and work out a compromise. Instead of asking your bf to just give in and pay a certain amount, why don't you find out a figure that is acceptable to both parties and work out a resolution? I am not too familiar with the proper amount but your bf did offer to pay $100, right? I think that's a good start. At least he's giving in for you already.

Remember, getting married is a life-long commitment that involves mutual respect, understanding, and love. Notice that "mutual" is the keyword here. You need to respect his will as much as he needs to respect yours!

Good luck and I hope this issue can get resolved soon!

jumptiger

原帖由 Maggie 於 2008-1-8 01:44 發表
... I think my mom should get credit by receiving lai gum for raising me in that past 20+ years ...

If you think that you mum should get credit for raising you in the past 20+ years, shouldn't it be you, or both you and your bf together, thank her for her kindness instead? Again, I suggest talking this through with your mum and your bf, finding out an amount that works for both parties, and settling the issue ASAP. Good luck!

jumptiger

Maggie, have you and your bf considered couples counseling?

Some info:
http://www.barbaramulskicounsell ... couver_couples.html
http://www.pacificfamilylife.com/

jumptiger

原帖由 LOK 於 2008-1-14 12:36 發表

That make sense to me now.  Sometimes, when you buy a present for gf on b-day or anniversary, maybe a few hundred dollars too.
...

I am not picking side but I don't understand why $10 is disrespectful when $999 is? What is the "expected" amount? Who determine that value and how?

原帖由 Maggie 於 2008-1-14 11:57 發表
... it's just to show gratitude that my mom has raised me for the past n yrs and such. ...

Again, I don't understand why a guy has to pay his gf's mom to thank her for raising her daughter? Shouldn't the girl, or together with the bf, thank both gf's and bf's moms instead? And does it necessary be in terms of money? Shouldn't that be done everyday instead of for wedding only?

jumptiger

原帖由 Ultraman 於 2008-1-14 12:55 發表

... Not that Maggie's bf is white washed, he just not respect  ...

Again, if it's about respect in this case, and if her bf really does not like that tradition, shouldn't the girl "respect" him too and work out a compromise instead? Like many people have already suggested here, there will be many challenges that both Maggie and her bf will have to face together for the rest of their lives. They definitely need to learn to work together and respect each other before they should move forward!

[ 本帖最後由 jumptiger 於 2008-1-14 13:38 編輯 ]