Maggie

Lying is something that I wouldn't do for sure... it's just too sad that my marriage has to start with a lie and it's just too frustrating for me that I have to remember what I say to each of them making sure that there's no contradiction... It won't last long...

He threw out that $100 thing just to insult the tradition coz I told him that my mom is not selling daughter; it's just to show gratitude that my mom has raised me for the past n yrs and such.  Then he said well if it's not about $$ then $100 is more than enough coz my mom doesn't deserve any... (he originally said $10)... pissed me off so bad... he just refused to understand and respect it...

You have no idea how much I already compromised in this relationship to a point that even his mom told me not to "let him get his way" so much...  I personally do not mind if he is just "taking advantage" of me alone as I love him.  However, I can't "disgrace" my parents by allowing him to look down on my parents like this.

Maggie

原帖由 LOK 於 2008-1-14 12:36 發表

That make sense to me now.  Sometimes, when you buy a present for gf on b-day or anniversary, maybe a few hundred dollars too.

And if he's so white washed, did he use 3 months of his salary to buy y ...

This is why I am still with him...

On one hand he treats me really good (at least that's why he thinks)... the only things that he won't "compromise" are issues related to my family.  The majority of the time that we fight has to somewhat related to either my family or his (our families have known each other way before we dated as we were from the same church).  When we are with each other we are usually happy... and when we fight (such as Chinese New Year, greeting my mom when he comes to my house to pick me up (which he thinks is not necessary... sigh... ), he is always mad at my mom for being so "demanding" and "expecting so much shxt" that makes us fight all the time... and the more we have fights over these kind of stuff, the more anger he has toward my family...

He got me a 1.03ct (my birthday is March 1) engagement ring from Tiffany, and it's higher colour... He bought it in Sept. and I still haven't accept it because still have troubles working out the problems that I have (and we are "supposed" to get married on Nov 1).  I had to reject him when he proposed because I was too worried that things can't work out...  He's so mad at me and he doesn't understand why "I can't separate the two" (between the way he treats me and the way he treats my family) which, obviously, makes him more "mad" at my parents.

I told him when he first talked about wanting to get married that he has to talk to my parents first.  He did (fight again coz I told him to bring some moon cake (around mid-autumn time) or fruit or something when meeting my parents but he refused to insisting "there's nothing wrong with visiting your potential in-law to let them know that he's marrying their daughter empty-handed"... I was sooooooo mad and just left T&T myself then he finally bought moon cake "die die gas"-ly... He met with my parents when I was working so I wasn't there... According to my dad, he was shaking his legs the whole time and his attitude was not so friendly... according to my mom, he was just there to "notify" my parents that he's marrying me...  Of course, in front of my parents, I have to defend him as his Chinese isn't good and he's nervous so he's shaking his legs... In my heart, however, I do know that what my parents said may not be entirely false because I know him...  My parents, since only met him less than 30 times in the past seven years and never had a real conversation with him, felt that they want to know him more before they are able to happily see me marrying him.   Yet, because they respected me and they do know that I have known him for a long time, wouldn't "stop" me from marrying him.  I think my parents are being very reasonable and so I would want them to be proud of my choice...  That's why "lai gum" issue is so important to me as I really want them to believe that I am marrying a decent guy (even though there were several episodes in the past and left my parents very bad impression of him...)

Sigh...

Maggie

原帖由 utopia 於 2008-1-14 16:38 發表
OMG,

he only met him less than 30 times in the past seven years ?!?!?!

If I am your parent, I will be extremely worry about what kind of man my little angel is marrying to...................... sha ...

Utopia, was your dad like that before your parents got married?  Is there a reason why?

My bf keeps saying that my parents treat me poorly. (According to his definition AND comparing to how his parents treat him... maybe.  But of course, I don't think so... my parents are just typical traditional Chinese parents and I totally understand what they are doing and why they behave in a certain way.  It's just that we are raised in extremely opposite families so our values in terms of respect and tradition are so different.)  Of course I explained to him why what my parents did is not as horrible as he thought, but he wouldn't accept it...

Sigh...

Maggie

The problem is not solved... and things actually got worse...

I booked the photographer coz he's a friend of mine as well as pre-wedding photo at Hung Leung coz was told that it was pretty full...

really don't know what's gonna happened...

Maggie

It's been a while and time is running out... I have be pushed by his family so bad... his mom kept asking me this and that and trying to "solve the misunderstanding between my bf and my mom" (without knowing that she was the one created it). She kept saying she just wants my mom to be happy... the conversations were so lame and too long that I am not able to share with you guys.  Either way, she called my mom and asked her out for dinner.  My mom didn't tell me that auntie called her and if she will go or not.  I don't even know what's going on.  His mom told me she called my mom for dinner and asked me where to go for dinner and if I am going or not.  I said I am not sure if I have time.  I don't even know what she wants to talk about...
Should I openly talk to her about the lai gum problem?  Should I even go?  (I didn't plan on going.)
I am just too clueless now...

Maggie

原帖由 tsumorichisato 於 2008-2-24 22:32 發表
Nono..here is your chance. If his mom is going to pay the lai gum then everything can be settled rite?

Not that easy... if it happened (which I highly doubt) it has to be done behind my bf's back as he is strongly against paying lai gum and he said he wouldn't let his parents do it...

Maggie

Sigh... I can't blame him totally because I think it's his parents' fault.  You have no idea how proud his mom is for having kids like her own especially my bf... my bf is the youngest among the 4 and the only one who actually has a career... I don't even know what the older three are doing... yet his mom is so proud... my bf is not good at handling pressure at all (so can't push him too hard which I did...) and I don't even know anything about his older brother... they both dropped out from university (but at least my bf already saw his career so degree became less important).  His mom had been telling me that my bf was born and raised in Canada so it's normal for him to act the way he does yet his mom, at the mean time, repeatedly told me that she is very traditional... and when I talked to her, she would go tell my bf and twisted what I say and my bf just got really upset for what "I" said... so very lame... I just can't really trust her anymore... the entire family is in their own little paradise and can't take others' opinions...

This is so going to be interesting... hum...