兩性失衡惡化 女向男求婚 婚宴, 男女, Peter

lo_pak

【經濟日報專訊】本港男女失衡惡化，5個適齡結婚女就有1人仍小姑獨處，加上不少港男出現「小飛俠候群症」（Peter Pan Syndrome），逃避承擔成家立室的重擔，促使女性更主動出擊。

有女專業人員向男友提出結婚，更自掏腰包付酒席訂金；亦有女友圖策劃一場驚喜求婚記，「逆求婚」這個在日本及西方已出現的現象，開始在港浮現。

女提親 自掏腰包搞婚宴

「我們結婚囉！」30歲出頭的女專業人士，去年向同屬專業人士的男友提親，就此開始籌備婚事；物色婚宴場地期間，女方更急不及待自掏腰包落訂。

男家親友因此在背後竊竊私語，認為女方有事業，收入和家境不俗，急要提親可能因過了30歲的「重要關頭」，而且眼見男方家境富裕，故不介意採取主動。

統計處昨公布最新《香港女性及男性主要統計數字（2011年版）》，去年每千名女士，就只有949名男士，重災區更在30至49歲的年齡組別。以30至34歲為例，每千名女士，只有843名男士。若按全港有近25萬30至49歲女性從未結婚計算，即每5人就有一人是「小姑獨處」。

「女求婚被拒 分手收場」

經營求婚統籌服務的方慧欣說，早前有一名20多歲女子，與男友拍拖一段時間已計劃結婚，但男友一直沒求婚，女方遂想搞一場驚喜求婚，但最終鼓不起勇氣，「男仔求婚被拒，還可以因為女方嫌他不夠誠意，下次再來過；女方求婚被拒，便是分手收場。」

方去年至今幫過近40對情侶搞求婚，為確保成功率，事前都會訪問男方求婚把握，不少都表示信心十足，因為女友已多次催婚。

男士被催婚的情況愈見普及，心理學家提出「小飛俠症候群」的理論，泛指年輕人不想長大的心態，逃避承擔家庭責任（見另文——「小飛俠—拒長大不負責」）。

方認同現實社會中，30歲前的男士們有「小飛俠症候群」的特質，尢其是現時樓價貴，一般人萬多元收入，多不想背負家庭責任。她說一般要30至35歲才開始拼搏工作和有承擔；但女士們30歲前已考慮結婚問題，「28歲求得婚來，搞一、兩年，結婚都已30歲。」她說正因為這差異，女急男不急，女方明示或暗示催婚的情況愈趨普遍。

熟悉婚姻輔導的臨床心理學家梁若芊則認為，愈來愈多年輕人把求婚和結婚視為一場show，故男方沒求婚，女方要催婚，甚至自己求婚。她認為，兩人相處一般都有共識，明示或暗示有結婚計劃，誰向誰求婚只是一種形式。

她又指，隨着年輕人多進修，推遲踏足社會工作的時間，故結婚年齡愈來愈遲，女士所謂30歲的重要關口，其實已不再重要，且男女都不想定下來。

她說，以前的人結婚都沒有自置物業，是結婚後慢慢累積，但現代人結婚好像要樣樣都有，所謂「小飛俠候群症」，有時是自尋煩惱。

pkphilip

My English is bad.. I know.

Philip

raffaello

It's simple la, 男家 have to pay 嫁妝, since the mom is jokingly asking for $100K (didn't say CND  ...
pkphilip 發表於 2011-7-29 22:46

It is called 禮金 ar, not 嫁妝...hahaha...

pkphilip

Philip,

I didn't know you could be bought for a price.

-Lik
Lik 發表於 2011-7-29 15:05

It's simple la, 男家 have to pay 嫁妝, since the mom is jokingly asking for $100K (didn't say CND or HKD or YEN or RMB), in this instance here I can bargain the price down because I have more market. I think that's 賣女, not 嫁女.

Also, I could start collecting favors and use it against the 嫁妝.. ie.. if wants me to fix the computer to watch PPTV, the bill will be deducted from the 嫁妝 amount.

Philip

raffaello

My boyfriend doesn't want a kid, it's not 100% but he prefer not to has a kid. At least not now.
...
Nam 發表於 2011-7-29 20:04

Yeah, I also cannot agree with people who are expecting so much from their children. Somehow, If I want to have children, it would be becaues I want to experience being a mother in my life. It is a life experience and it makes my life complete. I would like my children to be healthy and happy so they are also able to enjoy their lives.

Anyway, I hate kids so I don't expect myself having any..haha. Some people just keep telling me that I will change my mind in the future but I actually find it quite annoying when they keey saying it. They are taking things way too personal than they should be. After all, it is none of their business. Maybe I will change. Maybe I will never change. I am not stupid and I know it very well that I may not be able to get pregnant in the furture if I am really changing my mind by then (most likely won't..haha..). But I am willing to take the risk. No one can always get all they want. If I choose to enjoy freedom today, I am not going to complain about not able to have a child tomorrow. It just sounds a bit too greedy to me ;-)

fibbi

回復 42# Nam


    我從來都無期望養兒防老，仔大仔世界，佢哋自己顧掂自己就好好啦。
我靜係覺得一個家庭無兒女嘅話好似缺少啲咩咁，無咁完滿，純粹個人觀感。

Nam

Ask your boyfriend whether he is willing to be a stay-at-home dad if taking care of a child is wha ...
raffaello 發表於 2011-7-29 18:30

My boyfriend doesn't want a kid, it's not 100% but he prefer not to has a kid. At least not now.

So once in awhile, we had this discussion because he wants to make sure I'm on the same page and if I want a kid, we have to prepare for it.

He said ever since he was 7, he is surround by kidssss and he is 36 now and still surround by kids. (He is the youngest in the family and his mom had 8 child...)


So both he and I are experienced to take care of child and know what to expect.
Whenever he asked me if I want a child, I just don't have an answer for him.  His friend said right now, I'm too focus on school and work.  Maybe few years later, I will change.


As for age of parents, my mom and dad had me when my mom was 36 and had my older brother when she was 30.  haha, other than I was weak when I was a baby girl, I don't see I have much health problem....

So assume we won't have kid in future, I work extra hard lately and save money for investment.  I asked few mom who had kids, or those who convinced me to have kid, why they think I should have one.  The answer mostly are when we get old, we have a child to take care of us and spend time with us.   But look at today kids, how many of them really care of their parents. Maybe it is common in our generation... but if having a kid is a secured future retirement.    I found that is very selfish.  I would want nothing from my kid if I ever have one. I just wish them have a happy, healthy life...

raffaello

Lo-Pak,

I think you misunderstood my concern.  I'm lucky to have to chance to witness a mom point  ...
Nam 發表於 2011-7-29 13:25

Ask your boyfriend whether he is willing to be a stay-at-home dad if taking care of a child is what concern you.

fibbi

回復 39# sko


    My parents also had me around that age...but I don't really "think" we have generation gap...and I never expect parents to do any sport with me (perhaps just because I don't do much sports too...I guess I'll ask friends to do sport with me than parents) But still we are close...

sko

回復  sko


    But as I mention, I don't really care about time spending with my "grand kid"...don ...
fibbi 發表於 2011-7-29 16:00

Really? I loveeee little kids and little pets. I could spend time with them all day!

I don't spend a lot of time with my parents anymore since they have moved back to HK. But even when they were here.. huge generation gap la (my mom had me when she was 34, dad was 36). Would be awesome if they could go skiing with me.. go badminton with me.. go yoga with me.. or even watch hockey or f1 with me. haha~