utopia

原帖由 shutterbug 於 2008-1-10 16:33 發表
I have a different view.  I think your gf's complaint is fair.  Think about it, if my bf works 80 hours a week for 2 straight years, haha...I think I'll raise this concern too.  Females have a differe ...

  Totally agree~

Men and women are from different planet. To men, they love a woman, he spend all his time to be romantic to get that woman. Once he felt he secured from the battlefield, he will switch back to his normal routine. He thinks money and stable future is everything and he thinks his woman will understand because he is doing all the hard work for their future.

However, women might understand at the beginning stage and try to support him. Ironically, here come the conflict and a lot of couples end up broke up just like you. Women started to complain that her bf is not spending enough time on her nor all he cares about is money.

Then, a lot of male supporter like LYK will say things like oh, just dump her. She is so immature, she is not a good gf by not supporting him...

But there is nobody to blame at all, the best description is "you meet each other at the wrong time".
I think the girl side of story is the same too, she tried her best to save the relationship too but he is not doing enough effort to save this relationship. So she has no choice but give up.

The term is different. Your definition of "trying" is buying her everything and work 80 hours a week to make sure you two will have a secure financial background.

Her term of "trying" is sit down and tell you she is not feeling right with this relationship. Her term of "trying" is giving you subtle or clear signal that you are not making her happy.

When she is telling you, you are too cheap and everything is about money. She does not mean exactly what she said, the subtle hint is = YOU don't care about my feeling anymore. WHICH a lot of guys will defends, for god sake, if I do not care about your feeling anymore. Why would I spend tons of money on you????

That's not us women want, we want quality time not $$$. We want the boyfriend truly enjoy the time when we are together. We want to go out for dinner when my boyfriend to smile and truly be happy. We don't want to face a robot that have dead facial expression.

Understanding you are tired and drained out all the energy for working is one thing. BUT reality is, we are not happy to face a robot. Which woman on earth will be happy to see this scenario:

We are lying on the bed and we are about to start our sweet conversation. Once I started, I start hearing him snoring nor...he is spacing out.

We are having lunch together, but he space out as if he is on a different planet.

When your gf telling you, if you cannot make her  happy now, how can  you make her happy in the future.

Logically, you are right but she is partially right too.

If you cannot afford to give her attention when you two are not married yet, think about when you two have kids and you still work 80 hours a week. How much quality time left for her??

shutterbug

I'm sort of surprised that you can just end the relationship like that...it seemed totally easy and unpainful to you, or maybe you just didn't show it here.  That makes me wonder how much do you really love her...

Well, if you think it was a mistake, I don't think it's too late now to fix it, but make sure you know if this is the right girl for you and you're the right guy for her first.

utopia

原帖由 doraemon1002 於 2008-1-10 16:47 發表
Was it a mistake to end this relationship?

But it is too late to make changes now.

If you spend good two years on a relationship, I would say it doesn't hurt to try.

Worst is, you also feel the same too. You are not a happy person.

Now you make me think of "Haken"'s song long time ago.

"Losing you, winning the whole world means nothing"

You won the whole world. Spend two years on making money like crazy. What did you gain other than wealth?

I am sure there are lot of time that your girlfriend need your mental support and you weren't there for her. Not saying you dont have the heart.

BUT, possibly, you are so tired already. She probably opened her mouth and keep the word insider her heart because she does not want to be your burden.

You are lucky enough that nobody stole her from you for the past 2 years.

Sign*, balancing is the key of life, dude. Don't just listen on one side of story.
Try to view this relationship on a 3rd party point of view. Neglect the fact that you worked so hard for the future.

Try to see the whole relationship from her point of view. You will see why she was so upset.

When I said you can blame "you met each other at the wrong time", I mean....

If you meet her when she worked hard on her career like you do, then it will be perfect because you guys are on the same track lor.

yungfourfour

Why don't I tell you a story happened to one of my co-workers and you see it from a 3rd person p.o.v

My co-worker was sent from beijing to Alberta to study.  He had a gf who's 3 years older than him at that time and they keep the Long Distance relationship.  He stayed here for 3 years, graduated and already got a permanent job.  His  immigration is in progress and he can actually go back and visit his gf (she already turns 30 and it's not easy for a girl at that age in china to face her frd and family and tell them that they are gonna marry soon. Come on, they haven't seen each other for 3 years.)  My friend complained she is never happy and will never satisfied.  He works so hard to achieve the goal and set the family.  But for what?  Even I won't believe she loves the girl, I mean, if my bf is in another country for 3 years and keep prosponing the visit date, I would really question whether he still loves me or not.  You know?

You maybe trying so hard giving, but is that what she wants?

you did mention she spent a lot of your money.  Is she not satisfied, or that's not what she wants?

And yeah

as long as you love her, it's stupid to let it go

But if you have to spend time thinking if you love her or not, forget it. the answer is no.

doraemon1002

Hi everyone, good morning.

I just requested to cut my p/t hrs to half last night and it is approved.

Yes, i will have less income, but i will have a bit time to do what i wanted to do for so long.

and from the last few years of hardwork, i do have a bit saving. I will be ok financially.

You never know, maybe after a year or so,

I will get back to the crazy working schedule again.

but rightnow i really need some rest.

thank you everyone!

myversa

Men and women are from different planet. To men, they love a woman, he spend all his time to be romantic to get that woman. Once he felt he secured from the battlefield, he will switch back to his normal routine. He thinks money and stable future is everything and he thinks his woman will understand because he is doing all the hard work for their future.

This is totally untrue.  At least for me.  Of course I think money and stable future is important but it's not the most important for my wife and me.  I insist we spend Sunday afternoon together and try to do some romantic things together once and awile.  We even had agruement with our cook who is always our partner in the restaurant.  He blamed us for not going full force and blamed us to take Sunday afternoon off for the newly open business.  Our restaurant opened almost half year now.  I had to tell him that we do not want to sacrifice our marriage over this.  For my wife she works there from 9am to 9pm 7 days a week, and she deserves to take break at least half day.

Maybe I am not rich but at least I am happy.

To doraemon1002

It's best for both your gf(future or ex) to find a job so she would not think too much.  If both of you have jobs, you would earn as much or maybe more than what you are earning now and you can concentrate on one job and spend more time with her.  In addition she can use her own money to buy stuff and yours can be saved up for both of your future.  (actually in my case, I use my money to buy stuff and hers is saved up... )

celeron_266

原帖由 doraemon1002 於 2008-1-11 10:05 發表
Hi everyone, good morning.

I just requested to cut my p/t hrs to half last night and it is approved.

Yes, i will have less income, but i will have a bit time to do what i wanted to do for so long.

...

nice....now you will have some better life

siumaibb

咁鐘意spend，以後乜都佢俾好唔好？

呢D咁既女，飛左佢啦!

siumaibb

原帖由 shutterbug 於 2008-1-10 16:56 發表
I'm sort of surprised that you can just end the relationship like that...it seemed totally easy and unpainful to you, or maybe you just didn't show it here.  That makes me wonder how much do you reall ...

obviously he likes making $$ more than the girl, so I think he made a good move by breaking up with his ex-gf. You said guys need to understand girls, but why can't girls understand guys?? Why can't his ex-gf understand him?

AmericanBeauty

First, get one or two high paying jobs instead of a number of low paying jobs.
Second, get a girlfriend / wife who also has a high paying job so 1) she can appreciate how hard one has to work to make decent money, 2) she can earn her own money to buy things she desired.