原帖由 LOK 於 2008-1-14 12:15 發表
I still don't understand why the 禮金 is so important.
I still think 禮金 = 賣女.
If the parents love their daughter, they will be happy if they know their daughter found a good man, instead of thi ...
Lok, it's really not about 禮金 only issue. It's about "r e s p e c t"! The gal's side didn't ask for a million dollar or so, but do you think $10 is a sincere offer? If he respects maggie/her family/Chinese tradition, even he offers $999 or $999.99, I don't think it's too much that would be considered as 賣女 lor.
I am not big on Chinese tradition either BUT he DID insult you and your family.
"Then he said well if it's not about $$ then $100 is more than enough coz my mom doesn't deserve any... (he originally said $10)..."
And it's very true that even if he doesn't LIKE himself to be Chinese,this can NEVER be changed. What are you going to do if he teaching bad things to your kids to be irrespectful to all Chinese? (including grandpa, grandma)
I think you really have to think twice on your decision. Or get some counseling!
I think nowadays, ppl can just put a few hundred in a red pocket as a symbol of 禮金. Who care about the amount any more?! It's just a play of respecting the tradition.
btw. if he hates Chinese tradition so much why did he still accept his red pocket?
Lok, it's really not about 禮金 only issue. It's about "r e s p e c t"! The gal's side didn't ask for a million dollar or so, but do you think $10 is a sincere offer? If he respects maggie/her family ...
That make sense to me now. Sometimes, when you buy a present for gf on b-day or anniversary, maybe a few hundred dollars too.
And if he's so white washed, did he use 3 months of his salary to buy you a engagement ring?
That make sense to me now. Sometimes, when you buy a present for gf on b-day or anniversary, maybe a few hundred dollars too.
And if he's so white washed, did he use 3 months of his salary to buy y ...
Yes, I think so too. I knew some true white people dressed in traditional Chinese costume and had tea ceremony served on the wedding day la. Not that Maggie's bf is white washed, he just not respect to others jeh.
That make sense to me now. Sometimes, when you buy a present for gf on b-day or anniversary, maybe a few hundred dollars too.
...
I am not picking side but I don't understand why $10 is disrespectful when $999 is? What is the "expected" amount? Who determine that value and how?
原帖由 Maggie 於 2008-1-14 11:57 發表
... it's just to show gratitude that my mom has raised me for the past n yrs and such. ...
Again, I don't understand why a guy has to pay his gf's mom to thank her for raising her daughter? Shouldn't the girl, or together with the bf, thank both gf's and bf's moms instead? And does it necessary be in terms of money? Shouldn't that be done everyday instead of for wedding only?
You should tell your bf that he misunderstood the meaning of 聘金.
而有的是男方有給聘金，女方當成是嫁妝給女兒
女方就拿這錢去買家具
It's a Chinese custom for man to give money to the bride's family but in the mean time the bride's family can use the money to buy things for the bride. This will not sound like "selling daughter" any more.
... Not that Maggie's bf is white washed, he just not respect ...
Again, if it's about respect in this case, and if her bf really does not like that tradition, shouldn't the girl "respect" him too and work out a compromise instead? Like many people have already suggested here, there will be many challenges that both Maggie and her bf will have to face together for the rest of their lives. They definitely need to learn to work together and respect each other before they should move forward!
jumptiger, please read my post #45. It's just about tradition and the money is mainly used for buying 嫁妝 for their daughter.
Just like when you go to a restaurant, it is a custom in Canada to give out tips to show gratitude. If you spend about $100 and you only give out $1 tips. How does that look? Can you say you are from east and are not customed to give tips? The only tme you gve less tips is because the service is not bad.
There is no fixed amount on the 聘金 but at least you should give out more reasonable amount. Each local area might have different scale on how much 聘金 is reasonable. He only gives out $10 means that he thinks her parents raised their daughter bad?
jumptiger, which one of the following do you think it's more reasonable:
1. someone asks someone to respect a traditional custom; or
2. someone asks someone to respect his/her disrespect of a traditional custom.
發表於 2008-1-14 12:21
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